I Survived SBSB

We did it.

We really, actually did it.

Now that we have had over a week of solid, dependable, sweet SAHWEET sleep, I can bring myself to type those words without fear that it will all crumble into a fond but fading memory...

Recently I wrote a very nice, hope-filled post about Nolan sleeping after I had knelt by his crib and prayed for it. And I do not regret this post, for it was that solitary night's rest that kept me from losing my everloving mind one week earlier than I actually did.  That was the only block of its kind that we received in a full month, and last week Monday morning after the umpteenth night of multiple (3,4,5+) wakings and cajolings and feedings and pleadings, I. Was. Finished.

It is a sad and dark place to be as a mom when at 5:30 on a Monday morning in a new city with your husband embarking on his first week of call, you look at your child and realize you are already utterly spent.

Ugh.

That morning, poor Mikel found me bawling in the nursery and then had to leave me bawling in the kitchen.  I suspect he thought he was entrusting his infant son to the likes of an emotionally unstable stranger.  Odd that my reassurances, delivered through hup-hup's and nose blowings, weren't convincing...  Drama aside: It was awful. All I know is that in my sleep deprived state, I felt like I was staring down the barrel of a long, exhausting, lonely, homesick and weary week.  And it felt, at that moment, like a whole lot to handle.

So what does a mama do on such a morning?
She calls her sister: Because she can empathize like no other.
And then her mom: Because she can lend time-tested tricks of the trade.
And then her Steph: Because she tells it like it is.

And the polls were unanimous:  Sleep training begins NOW.
I coined it SBSB - or Sorry Bro Sleep Bootcamp.
Nolan had been drafted, we both had our fatigues (pardon the pun), and it was on like Donkey Kong.

So it began.
Night #1: 1 hour of crying produced a self-soothed boy who slept all night.
Night #2: Only took 15 minutes of crying to self-soothe.  Woke once overnight and put himself right back out after 10 mins of babbling.
Night #3: No crying and no midnight wakings.
And we've been golden ever since.

WHAT THE WHAT WAS I DOING ALL THOSE WEEKS?!?!????!!!!
He was so ready.  Truth be told, I probably would have enforced it far earlier had we not been moving and then had he not gotten sick/constipated, etc.  In the end, the anticipation proved 10 times worse than the execution.  And the not-doing-it was 50 times worse, sooo....

Now, a week and a half later, I am so happy to say that Nolan is an awesome nighttime sleeper -- falling asleep on his own at night without difficulty and sleeping like a rock 7pm-7am.
And the angels sang, "Glory to God in the highest."
We are ALL happier!!!



************************************
Several days later, when my dear friend Ashley emailed and asked, I had the opportunity to write down some of what we had actually done.  She was looking for a bit of input on what might help her 8 month old daughter sleep better (Morgan is only 9 days older than Nolan and was doing a lot of the same waking patterns he had been --- though seemed Ashley was coping with it a bit better than I did........).
Obviously I don't actually know anything real about this, having only sleep trained one kid - and a kid who didn't give me too much grief about it, at that...
Still, I thought I would include here some of our convo so that I can look back in the future and be reminded of what seemed to work (at least this time).  This is just purely for my own sentiment/reflection...

Cry It Out.  I have no idea what piece actually worked or if it was a combo, but I can say what we at least did after gleaning wisdom from more experienced family/friends...

A kicker I had to learn: He was waking up and truly eating, so I thought, "Oh, he really needs this food."  Here's what I have realized: No 8 month old needs to eat in the middle of the night -- they just don't need it calorically or nutritionally. At most, they "need" it to top off their bellies as a means of soothing them because they haven't learned to soothe themselves otherwise.  And so that's what they have to learn.  No one keeps a 100% full-to-capacity belly all night (you or I included!), so it's not a realistic goal going forward.  They're not "hungry" - they just know food as comfort, so that's what they reach for.  When I got good and ready to teach him another means of soothing, our whole sleep life changed for the much, much better.

Here was our approach:

Item #1: Blackout shades  :)

Then -- picked a solid bed time and a consistent routine leading up to it (something we pretty much already had in place).  For us, it was 7pm, preceded by bath, lotion, jammies and nursing.  I offer him an extra snack before bath (usually a little baby food pouch or something) to make sure he's good and full.

He gets drowsy in my arms but does not fall fully asleep.  If he does, I rouse him before putting him down.  I put him in the crib drowsy but awake.  Give him his lovey (for us it's this little blanket with a puppy dog head on it -- whatever she likes to snuggle), say softly, "It's bedtime.  Goodnight, I love you" or whatever, and walk out of the room.

Then I just have to let him work out his frustration.  And that's really all that this crying is -- he's working out his frustration over learning something new.  And that's okay!  He's fed, dry, snuggled -- now just tired!  I told myself -- sleeping is a life skill, but do you know what else is a life skill?? Learning new things!  And this just happens to be the first one I get to teach him.  We're building independence and confidence, as well as healthy sleepy practices.  It's a win/win - it just might be noisy for a little while. :)

I identified ahead of time when I would go back into the room. For me, it's been at 20 minute intervals.  Put him down at 7, I'm not going back in until 7:20.  When I do, it's just to roll him back into his sleep position (though I think they say if she's standing up, not to force her back down -- just reassure her where she is), give him back his paci and his lovey, pat his back/maybe hum a minute, and say, "Goodnight, I love you." Then walk out again.  1-2 min tops. I DO NOT PICK HIM UP. Then it's another 20 mins. We've actually had great success -- I've never had to go in more than twice.  I am a new person.

 Side note: Ashley texted this morning and said Morgan is sleeping 8pm-6am.  
What a beautiful thing is the gift of sleep!!!