Well what can I say? No surprise here; it sort of continues to feel like an uphill effort to find and build community here in Phoenix, and I have concluded that this thing is going to take time -- and maybe a lot of time. That said, I have for the most part settled into a place of choosing to be content in the process instead of scrambling so desperately to replicate what I had and loved. I think that's a reasonably healthy approach...
In other words: I am working on it - and trying very hard to be patient.
(Kelly? Krista? - if you're reading this, you help a lot! Thanks. Shout out.)
To that end, I have joined a MOPS group that meets at my church. MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) wasn't really my first choice for activities... Admittedly elected more out of convenience than initial, true interest, I thought I would just give it a try; after all, it meets 1 mile from my house and only twice per month. If it flops, I thought, at least it didn't take a ton of effort...
Here's the part of my black heart I usually reserve for Steph, but since this is my blog, I get to be an ass face authentic:
I have some kind of weird emotional prejudice against MOPS - or gatherings like it - and I don't know why. I don't know if it's because I feel a little like it's silly or surface-y or what, but I find myself embarrassed to talk about it. Why in the world??? I am the exact picture of the target populace: young mom, local, in need of connections. Plus they have really good food -- should have listed that first.
So what's my deal???
Psychoanalysis scenario 1
I don't have a reliable balance of more meaningful/academic interactions - something I used to have a steady stream of and which I originally planned to get from BSF (aka the Bible Study endeavor that crumbledforreasonsIwontgointoherebecauseIhopetoonedayeraseitfrommemory).
Psychoanalysis scenario 2
It's an unfortunate defense mechanism I employ to keep from being disappointed if friendships therein don't flourish.
Psychoanalysis scenario 3
It is a perspective cultivated involuntarily because the organization's acronym is that of a dirty household cleaning tool.
Psychoanalysis scenario 4
I have an unhealthy superiority complex that extends beyond my younger siblings in our formative years.
Psychoanalysis scenario 5
MOPS is a risk to the security of my innermost secret: That I am and have always been a crafter at heart.
Whatever it is: I need to get over it.
The first step to recovery is admitting.
I'm secretly enjoying the meetings more than I had planned.
And I wanted to share a little bit of it with you.
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We are assigned to tables of about 8 girls. My table leader Aubrea is my age, attends my church and sings on the worship team. She doesn't know it yet, but I am about to make her my one friend.
Also, she let me hold her eentsy teensy baby, Ainsley.
I almost kept this baby.
Aubrea and Ainsley
This was our first craft: name tags.
It was very technical. Pick your paper - cut out the oval - glue stick it to the cardstock - punch the holes, tie the ribbon, and make the birds' nest out of this mossy stuff (which illustrates the MOPS theme of "A Beautiful Mess" -- admittedly clever). It took me a ridiculous amount of time to get mine to resemble a nest and not a blob of grass.
They had blue and pink beads that you were supposed to put in your nest to represent how many girls/boys you have. You will be SHOCKED to know that I was talking investing in community during the direction-giving portion of the craft, so my name tag looks like this:
I'll be danged if people don't KEEP ASKING ME about my THREE BOYS, and I keep having to tell them that I wasn't listening.
I tried popping two of the beads off, but my at-heart-craftiness ensured that I had hot glued those suckers on for life. Dang it.
Did I mention food? This cake is not, for me, an example of what's tempting, but it calls to mind my beloved friends who would think differently (hi, Nicole!) as well as my chocolate-loving husband.
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| Maybe Mikel should create a FOPS group. Think it'd catch on? |
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We've only had 2 meetings so far, and like I already admitted: I find myself enjoying them.
Last time, the author of this book came and spoke:
I didn't know what to expect. This is, after all, Scottsdale, and a professional style consultant as a speaker seemed a tad flaky... (I am so judgemental.)
But you know what? It was awesome. I mean - it was actually, really great. Relevant, helpful, intelligent 1-2-3 tips about how to assess, approach, dress and appreciate your post-baby body. She even gifted us each one of her impressive hardback books (normally $35).
For her book, the author took 10 women of different shapes, proportions and skin tones, and - complete with photos - analyzed in simple, how-to language their best tactics for shopping, dressing and accessorizing their figures, regardless of the style they want to pursue.
Long earrings vs. studs? How to wear a scarf? What's in a belt? How to get a structured look without a jacket (since we live in the desert)? What to do in the face of a fad? Bangs? Makeup?
...This is the stuff I previously scoffed at. You probably think it sounds silly, too. I did, as you know I'm not above telling you. But I was won over. I don't know if I can convey why in the text of this blog, but I thought I would include a handful of the points I learned and found especially helpful:
- Your body has changed and clothes that used to look good on you may no longer look the same (as every single one of my friends will attest to with the mysteriously shorter shirts!!)
- Any woman can wear a belt. And they're not for keeping your pants up: they're for framing.
- It's all about proportions: hip - waist - shoulders/bust.
- How to wear a scarf?
Contrast colors, textures and materials -- if wearing a cotton shirt, don't select a cotton scarf. Go for silk or one with a wide weave or fringe. Bold, contrasting colors are current (i.e., resist the urge to match!)
If you have a shorter neck (don't think about the front of your neck, but rather the side -- the space between the top of your trapezius and your earlobe), go for a thinner scarf and drape it away from your neckline to lengthen your look and draw the eye up toward your face.
Found a scarf you like but you think it's too thick? Simply twist it to make it thinner.
To keep in place, consider using small safety pins at the points where the scarf criss-crosses itself. Safe for babies and keeps it from slipping.
- Capris with a cuff of a different color (like denim when rolled) will make your legs appear shorter and segmented.
- Any area that you want to appear smaller, put a dark color on it.
"Dark" does not have to mean black or brown, but rather "dark" as compared to the color it's beside.
Dark shaded belt across the waist, dark pants to minimize lower body concerns...
- Shorter waisted? Longer waisted? How to tell?
When you lay your hand horizontally along your natural waist (where you bend when you lean over sideways), does you pinky touch your hip bone and your thumb touch your ribs? Or is there a lot of space?
The more space there is (the longer your waist), the wider the belt you can wear.
- Bangs or no bangs?
When you lay your hand horizontally across your forehead with your pinkie on your eyebrow, note how many fingers it takes to fill up your forehead space (reach your hairline)?
2? - no bangs for you.
3? - could go either way.
4+? - bangs - even if they're the sweepy kind.
The goal is to give your face an oval appearance.
I guess I will forever have to have bangs.
- Quality over quantity when shopping.
Consider the "cost per wear" approach:
If a quality, basic dress is $150 but with a few accessories can be changed up and worn multiple (let's say 6) times, then then that dress cost 25 bucks per wear. With accessories, maybe $50?
But if it's a less versatile dress - bought because it was marked down from $150 to $80 - and only worn once, that sucker was $80 per wear. Plus the cost of accessories -- and the cost of buying something new next time...
Something to consider.
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And so, I roll my eyes at you, MOPS, and your silly crafts and your non-academic topics. But you know what? I kind of like you. And I just spent an hour writing about you.
You might be just what I need right now.
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So I'm thankful.
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I have to miss this week's MOPS meeting because my dear Kara is in town and I want to spend that time with her. Besides, they have a "pediatric chiropractor" coming to speak, and how valuable can THAT really be??!
.............I promise. I'm working on it........................
